Sunday, September 21, 2008
He's a scared little boy and I'm a Terrified woman.
I don't know what to do...I'm ready to leave Husband. I've been asking him for at least 2 months to please just confirm with MIL that when we move in there will be no more smoking in the house. I haven't been constantly nagging him, even though that's his twisted view of it. I asked him if he'd talked to her and he acts like a 15 year old. 'i'll ask her OK!' and then I got mad and we fought. I tried the notebook (therapy tactic-write what you want him to hear in a notebook-you'd be surprised, I write things I've said a thousand times to him "I had no idea you felt this way!" Un-fucking-believable) and he got all apologetic and whatnot, acted all remorseful. Then 2 weeks later I ask him again, nicely "hey did you ask your mom about the smoking thing?" "no, i'll do it OK!" and then I got mad and we fought. 2 weeks before the move we're at her house, plenty of opportunity alone with her for him to bring it up, so on the ride home I ask again, nicely. Again no he hadn't. I let him know how important it is to me, he claims I'm yelling when I"m just trying to tell him how I feel, and how hurt I am. Next day he apologizes promising he will ask her. Today we spend the whole day moving stuff at her house, plenty of opportunity again. Ride home 'did you ask her?' 'no' So he gets the silent treatment for a very long time. It takes him an hour or more to ask me what's wrong. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! WHAT"S WRONG? He turns it around, I"m always yelling at him, I'm always picking fights he says. He tells me what he knows I want to hear to shut me up and does NOTHING. Tells me I just want him to ask her about smoking because he knows his mom will stop smoking in the house but it will cause a fight with BIL and that's obviously what I want. Says "i've told you how stressed I am and I know you don't believe me!". Last weekend he told me he was stressed and depressed and broken. I can't fix him and he won't do anything to help himself. He actually asked me not to tell him how broke we are because it stressed him out too much, said it would give him ulcers. I reminded him how unfair that is, and that 2 months ago he promised-offered-to take over the finances. He claims I never sat him down to go over the bills and accounts with him, obviously he couldn't ask me to do that, it's my responsibility to make sure he follows through with his promises. I feel like he wants me to leave him. I don't know that he will ever take responsibility for himself. It's been a year that he is supposedly looking into schools to figure out what he wants to do, how much it's going to cost for him to go to school. He spends all his spare time in front of the computer looking at fishing gear and boats we can't afford. He bitches all the time about how we don't have money to do this that or the other. I don't know if he wants to be happy. He's a scared little boy...and I"m a terrified woman. God even in the beginning when we first talked to MIL about moving in I did all the talking. He can't talk to anyone, he can't even tell the matre de at a restaurant '2 please'. As my sister's husband would say he needs to grow a pair. He's terrified to grow up and I'm terrified not to.