I'm going the Wrong way!

Assmaster Classic

2009-03-01T19:25:00.003-05:00

Watch the Bassmaster Classic and replace the word bass with the word ass. Your welcome.

Sadness, death, and A Major Award!

2008-12-06T21:58:00.000-05:00

I've been depressed so I haven't been bloggin. Didn't want to get everybody down and when your depressed it's hard not to just sit and do nothing. A lot of things kind of hit me emotionally and all at once the past couple of weeks. I started my new old job this week so we can add wicked overtired to the list. Tooth is still sore, and it's looking more and more like dentures.
So here's where my head is at...
I got to read the Operative report on my surgery this week and it sent me into a tail spin. Got into a funk thinking about death and people I've lost and how I've dealt with it...and how I was brought up to Not deal with it. I wrote this post about Viola, who died when I was 17(I'm on my crappy lap top and can't actually put in the link to the post, so just go with it-hopefully you read and remember the post). What I haven't mentioned was that a girl I was just becoming friends with was brutally murdered down the street from me (I was actually about 100 yards away from where she was murdered and buried and raped when her mother came around with flyers looking for her) when I was 13 and I was asked by a certain parental unit why I wanted to go the funeral, not how I was holding up. Then when I was 15 my French language class partner shot herself. No help dealing with that either. Then Viola passed away and same parental unit made fun of her at her funeral and didn't take me to the wake. Then at 19 I almost died myself. I had a bacterial infection that went to my heart, lungs, kidneys...everywhere. I remember my sisters telling me afterwards that they were getting drunk together and crying wondering if I would be ok, and I wondered why...I'd gotten so good at pretending bad things didn't effect me that I had even noticed I was dying. Now that I look back on it, I was dying, it was the most physically painful thing I'd ever been through, and am very lucky to be here. Now that I look back on my surgery, which wasn't so long ago, I'm scared shitless. They removed my heart from my body, fixed it, and put it back. My heart was outside of my body, for I don't even know how long. So that's where I am. Scared. Happy to be alive, thinking dentures is a small price to pay for all the antibiotics that saved my life and ruined my teeth. And scared. And sad. And happy to be alive.

So on a lighter note, the Husband needs to get to putting my pictures of my first Thanksgiving on the computer before I beat him senseless. I actually had a whole blog in my head about it and of course, poof! gone! But I will post pics as soon as he gets off his wonderful lazy ass and does it.

I also have to post about a couple of fabulous awards I got, but again, I'm lazy and on the laptop, which is crappy, and won't let me put the little awardy icons in or give props to the manly men who gave me the awards. The awards are very manly. They will appreciate that I said that at least. And they are my first awards ever, so a super big THANK YOU to Captain Dumbass and Goodfather...you can find their manly links to your right. Both awards were a much needed pick me up!

A bit better...

2008-12-01T19:22:00.003-05:00

dry socket is almost healed, still hurts like bitch. I'm lost in Fable II land...The blogginess is weak in me lately...
Started new/old job at OBGYN office today, I'm tired. BSG in a month and a half...
Must go comment...more laterrrrr..........................

Dry Socket...

2008-11-25T21:01:00.001-05:00

ouch.

Well, at least I'm a little drunk. Been reading some funny posts tonight, catching up cause I speant the last few days playing Fable II and pretending the horrific pain in my jaw wasn't there. So gotta give some love to a snarky sister, the good Captain, and a sassy and smart and no shame in being a bodacious Blogger, all for making me almost pee my pants! And if anyone is interested in BSG go here, it's orgasmic!

I'm drunk.

What's everyone doing for Turkey day? I'm making cornish hens and a spiral ham for me and the Husband. No guests. Maybe we'll make a baby:-) We're going to eat ourselves into oblivion so that might be difficult, or messy. I'm guessing we'll just play Fable II, it's a lovely alternate reality. I'm looking for different color dyes in the game right now, I want hot pink, so I can dye my hair. Oh! Question for people who know what I look like, should I dye my hair red again? I'm bored with it.

hmmm...need some snarky blog fodder...it's my favorite....

Oh! Not snark but still fun. I mentioned before my sister did something super nice for me when I was pathetic and desperate and that thing is a secret but could easily be guessed. She got her prize and since she can't post it I will...Husband and I got her a Nintendo Wii. Yay! Now she can stop being jealous and go get herself the Wii Fit and make her fat ass thin again...hahahahaha!!!! I kid...not really...no I'm joking...Not! No really, just snarky fun....I swear. ooh...that turned right into snark and I wasn't even trying...nice!!!! go me!

Going out on a high note!

hmmm...something to write..

2008-11-20T20:53:00.004-05:00

oi! I don't know if I can do Fable II and blog. It might be slow this winter for the blog. Fable is a super addictive RPG video game for those of you who aren't 'in the know'. My therapist was wondering what would replace the percocet I'd been taking, you know psychologically....me thinks it's Fable II. Well, that's one thing down in therapy...

In my personal world of pain, I had a tooth pulled today...good times. One that I'd already paid to have root canalled (ok the spell check says 'canalised' I don't believe it I'm sticking with canalled)...yay, I love throwing money in the toilet. Next step at the dentist is to try to salvage another root-canalled tooth, if it can't be saved...here it comes...dentures. Yep. That's what I said. All my upper teeth pulled and dentures. I'm 31. I almost hope the tooth is bad. I hate my fucking teeth and haven't been able to eat anything comfortably in years. My dentist did confirm my thought today though. I had a bacterial infection in my heart 12 years ago and was on I.V. antibiotics for at least 8 weeks. He said that can soften up your teeth really bad. So it's not just my bad oral hygiene when I was a kid. I'm a friggin nazi about it now, not that it matters much. I'm just glad to have it confirmed that it's not all my fault.

Well, I get a percocet reprieve, got a script for the tooth...going to take it now before I cry. Oh and going to have another tooth pulled in 2 weeks..yay.

I'm a spoiled brat...my sister is awesome...

2008-11-18T21:41:00.003-05:00

I'm the youngest, it happens...Today I made an error and I'm going to make up for it.

I'll start here- I've been gone for a few days because Husband and I got an insurance settlement for the totalled Toyota and bought a new crappy car and an Xbox with some of the leftover money. For any gamer geeks out there, we are now addicted to Fable II for the winter...doubtful we'll be making any babies in the next few months. Husband is playing now and won't speak to me! I told my sister about this on the phone today. When I hung up I realized, I'm a spoiled brat. She did something very very nice for me and Husband when I was in total desperation. I was pathetic...and now I feel pathetic again. I can't tell you what it was, but let's just say, my sister is awesome and I love her. She's there to listen to me bitch, she's put a roof over my head and helped me out of many the sticky situation, legal and otherwise. So I'm writing to tell everyone, who doesn't already know, she's the bomb-diggity. I've always looked up to her, sometimes in that annoying little sister way. I wanted to be just like her when I was in high school. I still do. She showed me how to get into sticky situations, legal and otherwise. And to top it off she is one of the very few people in the world who get me, and I get her...we're weird and crazy and the coolest chicks on the block. So she is getting a prize and I'm going to make her freak out over what it is for a couple days, cause I'm spoiled and I have to have a little fun with this. Yay!

Decision made?

2008-11-14T23:19:00.000-05:00

Baby makin' starts in 2 weeks.

Please take a moment to listen...love to you all:-)

2008-11-13T09:25:00.001-05:00

Really?!

2008-11-12T08:14:00.006-05:00

So....I have this little itch.....on my incision.....which is healed.....so I scratch...and I feel something right under the surface....another FUCKING stitch trying to work it's way out....you've got to be fucking kidding me.....they were supposed to dissolve...come the fuck on, I've had enough!

Sci-fi junkies beware..Agent Dunham has smelled yet another fart..

2008-11-11T21:57:00.005-05:00

I like a good sci-fi show...I like a bad sci-fi show. I like it when a sci-fi show knows whether it is good or bad. Bad sci-fi can be good when done right. Fringe has no clue. I keep watching and I keep waiting for it to suck me in. Agent Dunham, the female lead is kind of pretty when she doesn't have this serious 'oh my god that's the nastiest fart I ever smelled' face going on, which is like 90% of the time. Joshua Jackson's character is very nice (loved me the Pacey from Dawson's Creek) and he's turning out to be not such a bad actor. Walter is fun and I like the little father son dynamic most of the time, but sometimes it's just tooooo much. I like the crazy old Walter thing, but I don't know...a few times an episode I cringe at him. The creepy FBI boss dude, boring. The Pattern? Not seeing a pattern. 'Massive Dynamic'? How about 'Global Dynamics' from Eureka, a great good/bad sci-fi show. It also so seems like there is a new 'bad guy' every week, and then we never see or hear from them again. I mean I'm all for conspiracy theory and confusion (a la 'Lost') but again I'm failing to see the 'Pattern'. I want to be done with this show, but I just can't do it cause I'm a whore for sci-fi...when's it gonna get good?

To baby or not to baby...

2008-11-09T20:02:00.003-05:00

I went to my nephew's girlfriend's baby shower today. It is official. Everyone has a kid but me. The question is, do I want a baby? I'm so undecided. I know I like kids, I know I like having stuff. I know all the usual reasons for having a kid, love, the cuteness, the whole life-changing experience thing. I've been around babies since I was a kid. I was a nanny. I know a lot about kids, maybe more than most people who don't have any. I just can't get myself to a deal breaker reason. I'm thinking if we don't, there's a lot of nice vacations in our future. I know if we do there will be a lot of love and lots of laughs.

Maybe I should make a pro/con list?

Pro's

1. cuteness.
2. love.
3. someone to care for ( I like taking care of people).
4. sweetness.
5. connection with the Husband.
6. someone to care for us when we get old (if it likes us enough).
7. Everybody does it.
8. Husband says he will have a fishin' buddy! Fucking cute..I think that may have done it for me but let's keep going...
9. Eavy will have a buddy-she loves the kiddies!
10. Something more in common with all my friends and relatives.
11. Breastfeeding burns a lot of calories.
12. Someone to leave all our useless stuff to when we're dead.

Con's

1. No regular Jamaican vacations.
2. Way less adult toys.
3. money-we po'!
4. Getting blamed for all it's problems...ha!
5. HUGE responsibility (we are quite the immature duo:-))
6. BIL will be it's Uncle.
7. sleep.
8. Stretchmarks...I already have so many.
9. Fatness...I already have so much.
10. Boobies...they are already so saggy.
11. Bladder...it is already so weak.
12. No ativan...I am already so crazy.

Okay I think that's it....

Please comment...anything new and interesting I haven't thought of...give me something good!

Sometimes I disappear.

2008-11-07T20:33:00.004-05:00

Most of my friends and I know My sisters know this. I disappear, I don't call, I don't write, if you call me I may or may not answer the phone/return the message. I'm a bit of a hermit, maybe that has something to do with it. Lately I haven't felt I had any blog fodder. Maybe I just got sick of bitchin for a while. It won't last. If anyone is curious this is what happened since I last wrote...

The hole healed.

I broke a tooth and then I had a sinus infection.

I had a moral dilemma-we were so broke from the 'move that wasn't' that I had to hock the ugly gold jewelry my MIL gave me. My BFF Shanna said if she ever asks about the jewelry to say 'I lost it in the move' Kind of true. I will be using it.

I got drunk, I got high, I took a lot of Percocet-Husband does not know about the latter.

I read Twilight.

I gagoogadeed. My Husband gashmoigadied my gaflavity with his googis. And for that I am not sorry.

I thought I was pregnant for 5 minutes. I did a happy dance when I found out I wasn't.

I watched a lot of T.V.

I voted and won.

I fought with the Husband because he didn't think it was a big deal that Obama was elected.

I got drunk, I took some more Percocet.

The electric company came to my door when I was naked about to get in the shower, they were looking for a check or they would turn off the power. I wrote a check in my bathrobe.

I noticed how fat I've gotten, nothing new I guess, but I bought a Wii Fit-highly recommend it. I use it everyday.

I unpacked my entire house-almost.

I took some more percocet and went to therapy...no more percocet...:-(

I take an Ativan everyday, thank you therapist.

Franny pooped...and ate it.

My Husband was in a car accident. Some asshole rear-ended him and then took off. Husband okay, maybe some whiplash, car not so lucky.

I sucked googis.

I hurt a friends feelings because I didn't call for a couple weeks after she had her first baby. Emotional Maybe? I told her life happened. I disappear, it's what I do, it's who I am. I hope she understands. Others have. I understand a lot of things.

I cried.

My favorite nephew came to visit and we went antiquing together-he's 13-how friggin cute?!

BIL quit/got fired from yet another job.

I laughed.

I wrote Ellen Degeneres a letter begging her to send me to her 12 Days of X-mas show.

I got a new/old job at an OB/GYN office...yay!!! Free health insurance for me!

I'm gonna go get drunk.

Love to all!

1+ inches (not for the squeamish)

2008-10-21T20:49:00.003-04:00

That's how much stitch I pulled out this a.m. Nasty. Oddly satisfying. Like the time I had a little red bump on my shin for like 6 months. One day I decided to pick at it, squeezed it and a thorn came straight out. I kid you not. Felt good though, you know 'that wasn't supposed to be there'.

So, my body does not like foreign objects and is rejecting the interior stitches..yay. This is why I only have my ears pierced once, and why I freaked about keeping a nose ring in during surgery-I could never pierce it again. Similar thing happened with eye and surgery I had when I was 22(my third such surgery-my eyes are googly, they tried to fix, never worked), the tissue kept healing around stitch instead of over it. I ended up having to go back under anesthesia so they could remove the stitch completely once everything had healed. So if this 1+ inch I pulled out this a.m. doesn't do it I'll have to go back to Doctor and see what they can do to stop the insanity.

Sorry Ruth, can't spare a square.

Thursday, Friday, Saturday...

2008-10-21T07:41:00.000-04:00

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday....Okay day 6, need to work out today that'll make 4 out of 6 days I've worked out..go me. Of course eating chocolate chips as part of a healthy breakfast probably won't help shrink previously mentioned gluteus maximus. oh well. I'm 'trying'.

In other mediocre news...My incision has decided to break open. Didn't know that could happen. Apparently my body does not like foreign objects and is trying, and succeeding, to reject the interior stitches. Just noticed another huge piece of what looks like fishing line poking out of gaping hole in chest. I'll be snipping that when I'm done here...gross.

More mediocre news with a happy ending. Broke a tooth last week, subsequent headache led me to believe I had an abscess or needed a root canal or something. Worst headache EVER. So I called dentist for pain meds til I could get it fixed. He took an x-ray, no nerve in tooth, he sees a sinus infection and gives me antibiotics (don't have to go to primary care-2 birds one stone-love it) and Percoset-MY FAVORITE! So I'm happily drugged...again...even though I love me them pills, it would be nice to be sober for more than a week....wait...that didn't even make sense.

Yes, yes I can

2008-10-17T06:56:00.000-04:00

I successfully put off exercise until 6o'clock...almost forgot about it really. My fat ass will hopefully show vast improvement soon, I can't afford to buy any more clothes.

Fark!

2008-10-16T08:24:00.000-04:00

Found a great website for the Onion-type news. http://www.fark.com .

In other news, I'm starting the 'diet' today. Really just trying to eat better and EXERCISE...ew. Deciding whether I should let you all see my progress. Maayybeee if I have someone to be answerable to I'll actually stick to it a little. My mission today is just to exercise...half hour on the stationary bike. Right now taking BFF, Maury A and new baby to doctor's appointment. Later, dreaded exercise. I bet I can put it off til at least 4 o'clock. I'm a champion procrastinator.

Ok 'only a movie' maybe it's not a coincidence...

2008-10-15T09:32:00.000-04:00

So I've been unpacking furiously, going through old trinkets and whatnot, making a garage sale pile and a garbage pile, trying to decide what is not quite sentimental enough to keep. I love to get rid of stuff, clears my head. So, when I was growing up there was an old lady who lived across the street from me. Her name was Viola. When I was five (on my fifth birthday because my parents said I couldn't visit her alone til I was five and I was anxious to do so) I went to visit her with my then BFF Tigger (yes Tigger and Muffy were best friends-couple stories there too). Anyway, I visited her after school almost everyday until I was 13 or so (she was nice, she gave me cookies, watched cartoons with me, played games, played dress-up, and I drew her pictures that she would hang on the door in her kitchen), then it dwindled down to once or twice a week. She celebrated every birthday and holiday with me and my family, she only had a couple nieces that barely visited her. She never got married, never had kids, never moved out of the house she'd lived in since she was 2. She was always giving me little gifts and trinkets, most of them very old lady, but very sweet. She had promised I could have some of her junk jewelry I played with when I was little. She was diagnosed with cancer(I think ovarian), her worst fear. I was 12 she was about 75. She went into remission for a few years and then it came back and she passed away when I was 17. Looking through my things I found my journal entry from the day she died. Wasn't much. Apparently it took me a while to cry. My parents were not supportive. They didn't even tell me about the wake and made me go to school after the funeral. I've always resented them for that. They asked me that morning why I wasn't wearing my school uniform, I don't even think I answered them. They must have thought I'd outgrown her. She was one of the best friends I'd ever had. I could tell her anything. Her nieces sold all of her stuff at a yard sale that my parents also didn't tell me about. The nieces left me with a couple of crewel work wall hangings they had made for her and had hung in her living room. They hang in my kitchen. I've slowly gotten rid of the little trinkets she'd given me. Yesterday I came across a little plaque with a saying about best friends, the little rose on it was all broken, I decided to toss it. In the same box was her key chain, I don't know how I ended up with it. It was a little leather wallet that had probably been her brother Abe's. On it was her house key and an orange plastic tag shaped key ring from the dry cleaners she used to go to. It said 'Live, Love, Laugh'. I loved it, I only ever kept it because of that little saying. Now the letters have all worn off, the sentimentality worn off, so I put it in the little box with the broken plaque and put it in the garbage pile.
Today I got a 'Piece of Flair' on Facebook from my therapist. It said 'Live,Love,Laugh' with a little star.

Mistakes were made...

2008-10-13T21:09:00.000-04:00

By me this time. I know I'm straying from my usual 'everybody sucks but me' theme but I'm up for something new.

I looked in a full length mirror. Top to bottom. OUCH. I hear exercising and eating right are good solutions to this problem. I'm lazy and I hate healthy food. Anyone out there got some serious spare cash they want to hand out to help a poor fat girl get lipo?

I'm going to go have some ice cream and peanut butter M&M's now while I watch Heroes. Maybe that will make me feel better, at least until my next run in with the Evil Mirror.

Hmph

2008-10-10T07:24:00.000-04:00

I told Husband about the picture of his daughter I found. He hasn't asked to see it. He's only seen her once. hmph.
I know there's things I should be thinking about his. But all I got is hmph.

Moving day, sorry it's a long one, but worth it..

2008-10-09T14:24:00.000-04:00

So Friday, Sept 26th, day before moving day...the Landlord calls. "So are you guys still planning to move?" That was sign #1. Sign #2 came the next day at 9 a.m. BIL calls, he's the only one helping Husband move (I can only move boxes cause of surgery). He's not coming, 'too tired, I'll come tomorrow though, and you have Monday off right?' 'No' says Husband 'No I do not'. Sign #3, a good friend was able to come over and help...sounds good right? Has his 2 year old with him and it soon begins to downpour..Noah's ark style. The moment he takes off it clears up.
So Sunday the 28th, we have a couple friends and BIL come and help. We have to do it all in one friggin' day.

So we do.

We get to the house and I'm greeted by MIL with "You Shouldn't Be Driving Until the Middle of the Month!!! What Are You Doing??!!" I think to myself, 'I'm driving a whole 5 days earlier than I'm supposed to....I'm a grown-up'. A few minutes later a friend of the family shows up, Mary. Mary has serious heart problems and has asked that no one smoke around her. BIL says as he lights a cig in front of Mary and myself, 'I guess someone besides Mary is going to have to deal with me smoking in the house! hahaha!'.

Oh yes, he did.

Like a bag of dead road kill hitting me in the face I realize 'I CANNOT live here, ever!'

I settled into a quiet panic, moving things into the house still. I can't talk, breath, think. And then MIL says "Muffy! (my nickname) Quit biting your nails!!"

Oh yes, she did.

I can't breath, my face I'm sure is flaming red, I want to scream "I'm a grown-up!!!!!!" But that wouldn't be very grown-up of me would it? So I tell Husband, "I can't do this" We go back and forth all night. I can't live in a house where people smoke inside. Can't. I cry all night. We decide to stay and make the best of it, save up right away and move right out.
Until....
Next morning, I wake up crying realizing where I am. I get up and bring the dogs downstairs to eat and walk. BIL has a dog that's barking outside. He lets the dog in while mine are eating. If you know dogs at all you'll know to never introduce dogs when there's food around. Dog scrap ensues. BIL then informs me, cigarette in hand, that GIL (grandfather-in-law, also lives in house) is not going to let our dogs live inside the house. Tiny dogs, no undercoat, eaten or frozen to death within a month out there. BIL also plans on getting a Rottweiler puppy, cause you know, my dogs would make great friends/snacks for it. I grab my dogs and my purse and I leave. 6:30 a.m.
I had lasted about 12 hours.
I spend the entire day away from the house. I talk to Husband on the phone who insists he's going to talk to BIL and MIL and GIL about smoking, dogs, etc...I get there about 7:30 p.m. BIL lights a cig in the kitchen. Husband says "If you're going to smoke in the house can you at least not do it in front of my wife?!" BIL responded like he had asked him to take it up the ass sideways! "I SPENT $100 ON GAS HELPING YOU MOVE! I'M GONNA SMOKE IN THE HOUSE IF I WANT TO! YOU'RE GODDAMN DOG JUMPED ON ME IN BED AT 4:30 THIS MORNING! PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SMOKING IN THIS HOUSE FOR THIRTY YEARS, I'LL BE DAMNED IF I'M GONNA STOP NOW!!!!" He sounds psychotic. This is a grown man of 36 years, who lives with his mother and sleeps with his bedroom door open and the hallway light on! Really, the hallway light on! Light a fucking 5 year-old! MIL and GIL are sitting right there. Guess what MIL said....come on....guess....
She said absolutely fucking nothing! She sat there listening to her son rave like a lunatic, in her house and not one fucking word escaped her lips.
So I left. I took one dog with me and a pair of pj's and walked out the door in shock. We are lucky enough to have landlords who would take us right back. They were going to put the house on the market but hadn't signed anything yet. They didn't even want our security deposit back. We waited out the week, I stayed at my Mom's and Cristin's, and Husband stayed with MIL cause it was closer to work. She has not said anything. No anger, no apology, nothing. Fucked up I tell you! Then the following Sunday as we're moving things out...she says...wait for it...wait....oh yeah! NOTHING! Act's like nothing happened. When we decided to move in she swore she would kick BIL out and no smoking in the house. "no problem." she says. I am not visiting for a very long time!!!!

I know I need to catch up, but just a quickie...

2008-10-09T14:12:00.000-04:00

I found this on her mother's Myspace account...this is my step-daughter. So glad our hard earned money is going towards making a little girl look like a hooker. Going to go cry this out now...

2008-09-28T11:18:00.000-04:00

I should start drinking again.

Moving sucks Part Deux

2008-09-28T09:32:00.000-04:00

Husband has these crappy 80's dressers that he loooooves. I think they are tacky and dated and have plastic fake wood overlay(which is true and they are pretty fugly). He insists that is such nice furniture, 'I don't understand why you don't like it', as though this is an offense to him. So we're moving. We go to new digs, MIL house, the other day to check out 12x12 bedroom which already has like 3 dressers in it. This women has enough crap to start a Salvation Army I swear! So I decide the best fit, even though I think it's fugly, is Husband's beloved dresser set. I fucking give in, right? What a nice wife I am. Part of the decision was the dressing table piece has a nice big mirror that attaches to back I can use as make-up mirror, everybody wins.

Or so I thought.

This morning he starts moving things. I hang back at the house to finish up packing, throwing clothing in bags etc. I call him to remind him to call friends, who are helping, that he needs to wait to hear from u-haul and he'll call them when ready(again-I call him to remind him to call friends...of his...who are helping...). He's annoyed u-haul hasn't called with a pick up time. Then he says 'let's just use the dressers that are in the room already' and ' I don't know what to do with the dressers we moved, I don't know where to put them'. REALLY? You can't figure this out? We had a friggin plan, there was giving in on my part, compromise. Now he wants to use whatever crap is in the room because he doesn't want to move things around. 'Mom's asleep, I don't know where I should put stuff, I'm just gonna leave it outside'. IN THE RAIN! I gave you a fucking blow job last night with specific instructions that you fucking grow a pair today and be happy and do your manly duty of moving us and figuring shit out. GROW A HAIRY SET!

Moving sucks!

2008-09-27T22:53:00.000-04:00

Especially when there's a bit of hurricane rain going on and your BIL with the van calls at 9 a.m. on moving day to say he's too tired...'how about tomorrow?'.

I'll probably be off this thing for a few days, I don't expect Husband to get puter set up right away and I am not savvy.

Wish me luck!

Getting around Blogger: She has far too much time on her hands...

2008-09-26T13:35:00.000-04:00

This is me at 9ish, I think it's the only pic of me in my puter and horrifying. I'll let you guys tell me how wonderful I look. I managed to customize my page a bit more, add links, etc. Dyin' to put up some pics but they are all on discs packed in boxes:-( I need a scanner, I have some good shit to put up here in photo form!

I hate health insurance...and BIL

2008-09-26T11:46:00.000-04:00

Really?! How many phone calls do I have to make? I shouldn't complain because I know my sis Cristin has made an infinite number more than I and dealt with a lot more Ins bullshit...but do they all have to be special needs on the other end of the phone? Could one or two of them have English as their First language? And of course in the middle of recovery from heart surgery and rehab for bursitis in my shoulder (which keeps me up all night and has me crying at least once a day) and therapy, now is the time...right now, to change insurance plans. Maybe something else could go wrong....Bring It On.

Following not for the squeamish...

So BIL Soap Opera. He dates Skank who has little girl from previous skanky relations with other male skank. BIL and Skank have baby boy. Skank moves into MIL's house with BIL (not that he's lived anywhere else for more than a couple months). MIL HATES Skank. So obviously this goes well. MIL and FIL (passed away 7/07) kick out BIL, Skank, and spawn. Skank get IUD. Skank manages to get prego on IUD but she's "Keeping my baby!". Getting pregnant on IUD is very sketchy (for those who don't know it's a little piece of plastic they put up you Hoohoo to keep from getting pregnant, if you do get prego-which is rare happens if you're not attentive to placement of IUD, little piece o plastic is not good for growing baby-use your imagination-not a pretty picture, rarely if ever ends well for baby). Skank, thank god, has miscarriage. Takes pictures of said miscarriage.

I KID YOU NOT.

I did not have the, blech, pleasure of seeing them, but MIL and friend of MIL did. Apparently the baby was far from Caucasian. Skank and BIL are both of the Caucasian persuasion. BIL leaves Skank. One year later, Skank is pregnant with twins! No IUD this time, maybe she grew a smart brain cell. Or maybe brain cell was a gift from BIL. I had the pleasure of seeing the twins last Sunday, very cute, VERY familiar looking. No doubt they are BIL's. Paternity test mid-October , court ordered. Skank has babies so I can pay taxes for her fucking welfare, so I can't afford to stay in my own little rental cottage, and have to move in with MIL. Skanky skank fucking douche bag Skank.

On the bright side maybe BIL will finally move out. Better yet maybe we'll save up some money and move out then they can all live there together in misery and take care of MIL as she gets older. I believe that has been Skank's evil plan from the get go. It's a nice house and she wants in.

I feel better now!

Therapy is way too much fun!

2008-09-25T12:45:00.000-04:00

Is it wrong of me to want to go Everyday? My therapist is awesome, like talking to one of my best friends. She makes me feel un-crazy and stronger than I think I am. Very cool. When I told I thought I was addicted to pain meds (from the surgery and other problems lately), she laughed at me. Apparently my 2.5 mg is nothing to the 120 mg+ some people take and managae to function on! I want her all to myself, if I had a million dollars I would by out all her other clients...lol! Anyhoo..

Today I go see the Psychiatrist who will give me the meds so when I can't see the fantastical therapy lady and I feel a freak out coming on I can take a nice little pill, write in my blog about how crazy life is, and calm the fuck down.

I'm contemplating changing my blog title...something about my life, and the lives that touch me, seeming like a soap opera. I guess my sis already has a title like that..'only a movie'. That's a good one, she's smart.

Can't believe I'm moving in with MIL in 2 days!!
Where is my noose?
I can't find it anywhere.....I probably already packed it.
Damn.

BIL will be around for the weekend too to help move. Have a good story about him and his bastard child/ren? We're not sure at this point how many. SOAP OPERA.

Buddy Cianci gave me the 'Do me' eyes...

2008-09-25T10:51:00.000-04:00

My wild and crazy days did not involve jumping out of planes, it was all about sex. I had a long bi-curious streak from high school into my mid-twenties. Had some punk rocker friends I hung out with in Jamaica Plain, Boston. One of which I used to have a standing friend date with, Red. Every Monday Red and I would get together, smoke some things, go out for dinner and drinks talk about dirty nasty sex things we had done or wanted to do, and oddly never did to each other. We would just bitch to one another about how we weren't getting any. So on Red's birthday we all went out and I met a couple of new people, his best friend, Treat and a girl, Evonne. Treat was tall dark and handsome, very funny and geeky weird, my favorite! Evonne was super flirty and sexy. Both intimidated with their big smart brains, which always ups the sex appeal. So, Red, sends Treat my way. We e-mail for a bit and he asks me out. YAY! Evonne starts e-mailing me and then she asks me out. I call Red to say 'thank you' and find out Treat and Evonne have been dating for a year, and are still together.

Chaos ensues in a very dirty, very fun, very short-lived way.

We became a little threesome for about six months. Evonne (possibly bi-polar) and Treat (very depressed) are too much for me to handle emotionally, but a great time when they would shut the hell up! One of those most memorable times was at the opening of the Art Bar in Providence, RI where Evonne and I lived together. The three of us went, it was open bar, we were TRRAAASHED!! Buddy Cianci, Mayor of Providence, is making a speech...Evonne, Treat and I are in the middle of a 3 way nasty tongues and all make out session about ten feet from him. When he looked over I thought he would pass out. He spent the rest of the night giving Evonne and I the googly eyed 'I want to bend you both over' look. I think that's the closest I came to having a 'celebrity' want to do me. The world is cruel. Why couldn't Jake Gyllenhall be mayor of Providence!? Buddy is not a pretty man and needless to say had no such fantasy come true that night-at least not one involving us!

Really Google?

2008-09-24T10:35:00.001-04:00

I figured I'd give it another shot after I calmed down about it but.....do I have take a fucking class on using the Help center message board to ask a simple damned question. Apparently. How do I get my Gmail account and blog under the same fucking sign-in?!! AARRRRRGGGHHHH!!!!

My puppy is gross and I let her lick my face anyway..

2008-09-23T13:03:00.001-04:00

I have 2 Dogs. Eavy (full name Eavy Pooper Noodle, nicknames The Pooper, Noodlina, The Noodler, Sweetie, Dogums...you get the idea) is a Silky Terrier and just turned 3. She has separation anxiety and is very nervous and high strung, but beautiful (has this silvery hair that shines expressive eyes), sweet, very smart and basically well behaved. She had a barking problem for a while but with a couple days training has gotten way better, she's way smart.

Franny (full name Frances Pee Stink Bottom Esq., nicknames Shit nose, PeePee paws, Pin head, Stumps, The Poop Ninja, Dumbass, Baby Dog, Dopey Dog, You Little Fucking Shit Eater I'm going to Kill You) is mostly Yorkie and a little bit Silky. She'll be a year in November. We got her on Valentine's Day. She's fucking ridiculous cute. One ear sticks up, she has these massive fluffy paws and short little stumpy legs that are just silly, an under bite with this big black lower lip that sticks out and sometimes if we're lucky she forgets to put her tongue back in her mouth. She's dopey and kind of dumb which makes her even more lovable. The unconditional love from this one makes you want to throw her out into the street or smash her face into a hot oven burner. I am in love with her. She's the best.

She eats poo.

It seems only her own poo, she's finicky like her Mama. When we first got her and found out about this horrible habit we tried everything. Cayenne pepper on the poo only taught her not to eat poo with cayenne pepper on it (she's not THAT dumb). Pumpkin pie filling did nothing, sprays and training...Na-fucking-da! So every time she does it she gets a bath, and ten minutes later I let my sweet baby dog lick my face. I'm not ashamed. I Love My Poop Eating Puppy!!

When I figure out my camera I will get pics up on here!

Losing my Meme cherry!

2008-09-23T12:17:00.000-04:00

My fabulous sister Crissy has told me I have to do this. I don't even know what Meme means...something about being about ME ME ME maybe? Anyway here goes!

Eight things I am passionate about:

1. My Husband
2. My Dogs
3. Family and friends
4. Battlestar Galactica
5. Making fun of anything that has a pulse, including yours truly
6. Being lazy
7. Drugs and alcohol
8. Pop Culture

Eight things I would like to do before I die:

1. Have nasty sex with every celebrity I've ever had a dirty thought about and some random strangers/acquantances.
2. Be the center of a gang bang (see #1) and seriously I know it's totally wrong but I got the impression I was supposed to be honest on this thing...so there it is, I want lots of dicks in my face and everywhere else for that matter.
3. Go to/live in Hawaii for as long as possible.
4. Be able to hold an intelligent conversation in ASL or in plain old English.
5. Eat better and be in shape on a regular basis.
6. Be on Ellen or What not to Wear.
7. Be a Mom-maybe.
8. Stop pulling my hair out-I have an OCD called Trichotilomania I pull hair out like some people bite their nails but way harder to stop.

Eight things I say a lot:

1. Fucker.
2. Really?!
3. Un-fucking-believable
4. WAIT! (dogs)
5. Love you
6. I feel like a crazy person.
7. Ouch
8. oh You're so cute! (to dogs, nieces, nephews, strangers babies in the grocery store)

Eight books I have read:

1.Harry Potter -all
2. Life of Pi
3. Galapagos (anything by Kurt Vonnegut)
4. Stranger in a Strangeland (anything by Robert Heinlen)
5. Gods! (anything by Terry Pratchett)
6. The Glass Bead Game (anything by Herman Hesse)
7. Twilight (in the middle of-love it! Crack!)
8. Battlestar comics (ahem-graphic novels, they fucking count ok!)

Eight movies I have seen eight times:

1. The Princess Bride
2. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
3. American Beauty
4. The Jerk
5. Serenity
6. Monty Python's the Meaning of Life
7. Lord of the Rings Trilogy
8. Battlestar Galactica New series (it is one super long move I swear)

Eight people I want to tag.

I don't even know how to tag so when I figure that out and I get to know some peeps I will tag them:-)

Google can kiss my ASS.

2008-09-23T08:32:00.000-04:00

I just want my e-mail and blog to be under the same sign-in. Is that too much to ask for? Apparently. I changed my e-mail twice so that I could do that, and still does not work. Why can't I use a Gmail account for my blog? Google help doesn't seem to want to answer that question for me, so although I will stay with my new e-mail account, Google can still go FUCK themselves!!!

He's a scared little boy and I'm a Terrified woman.

2008-09-21T23:52:00.000-04:00

I don't know what to do...I'm ready to leave Husband. I've been asking him for at least 2 months to please just confirm with MIL that when we move in there will be no more smoking in the house. I haven't been constantly nagging him, even though that's his twisted view of it. I asked him if he'd talked to her and he acts like a 15 year old. 'i'll ask her OK!' and then I got mad and we fought. I tried the notebook (therapy tactic-write what you want him to hear in a notebook-you'd be surprised, I write things I've said a thousand times to him "I had no idea you felt this way!" Un-fucking-believable) and he got all apologetic and whatnot, acted all remorseful. Then 2 weeks later I ask him again, nicely "hey did you ask your mom about the smoking thing?" "no, i'll do it OK!" and then I got mad and we fought. 2 weeks before the move we're at her house, plenty of opportunity alone with her for him to bring it up, so on the ride home I ask again, nicely. Again no he hadn't. I let him know how important it is to me, he claims I'm yelling when I"m just trying to tell him how I feel, and how hurt I am. Next day he apologizes promising he will ask her. Today we spend the whole day moving stuff at her house, plenty of opportunity again. Ride home 'did you ask her?' 'no' So he gets the silent treatment for a very long time. It takes him an hour or more to ask me what's wrong. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! WHAT"S WRONG? He turns it around, I"m always yelling at him, I'm always picking fights he says. He tells me what he knows I want to hear to shut me up and does NOTHING. Tells me I just want him to ask her about smoking because he knows his mom will stop smoking in the house but it will cause a fight with BIL and that's obviously what I want. Says "i've told you how stressed I am and I know you don't believe me!". Last weekend he told me he was stressed and depressed and broken. I can't fix him and he won't do anything to help himself. He actually asked me not to tell him how broke we are because it stressed him out too much, said it would give him ulcers. I reminded him how unfair that is, and that 2 months ago he promised-offered-to take over the finances. He claims I never sat him down to go over the bills and accounts with him, obviously he couldn't ask me to do that, it's my responsibility to make sure he follows through with his promises. I feel like he wants me to leave him. I don't know that he will ever take responsibility for himself. It's been a year that he is supposedly looking into schools to figure out what he wants to do, how much it's going to cost for him to go to school. He spends all his spare time in front of the computer looking at fishing gear and boats we can't afford. He bitches all the time about how we don't have money to do this that or the other. I don't know if he wants to be happy. He's a scared little boy...and I"m a terrified woman. God even in the beginning when we first talked to MIL about moving in I did all the talking. He can't talk to anyone, he can't even tell the matre de at a restaurant '2 please'. As my sister's husband would say he needs to grow a pair. He's terrified to grow up and I'm terrified not to.

Because I don't want a fucking sandwich!

2008-09-21T23:30:00.000-04:00

When Husband and I sat down with MIL to discuss us moving in we had 2 BIG conditions. 1. Brother in law-dead beat, finger missing, jobless, douche-bag had to move out first. 2. there would be no more smoking in the house by anyone at anytime ever. MIL agreed, seemed like she thought it was reasonable. Now we're ready to move in, months later. BIL is not moving out, still a dead beat, finger missing, douche-bag, but now actually has a job-he's been fired from every job he's ever had so lets cross our fingers (ha!) shall we. The smoking is still up in the air which I will address in my next post.

So today we're moving stuff into the house. Official date is this coming Saturday. I walk in the house and MIL asks "what can I get you? Soda? Tea? Coffee? did you have lunch? Let me get you a sandwich, there's tuna fish in the fridge." I POLITELY say "No thanks MIL". "What did you have for lunch?" she asks kind of angrily. "I didn't". "Well then have a sandwich" says MIL now sounding like a hurt puppy. Again, "NO thanks". "Why don't you want something to eat?"anger in the voice again....seriously........"I'm not fucking hungry." I wish I had put the fucking in there so bad. Food pushing pain in my ass. "Have a soda, have a cookie, have a danish, cup o tea, coffee, want to suck on a used douche bag?" Oh yes that last one I'll have that, I've said no to everything you've offered, which is pretty much every bit of food in the house but the used douche bag is making my fucking mouth water uncontrollably!

I'm recovering from open heart surgery-recovering well too. Part of my recovery is to walk everyday, and I've recently been cleared to do whatever I"m comfortable doing except drive. So I"m a responsible self aware adult. I know my limits being an adult and all. At the MIL's trying to move boxes I tell her this-"doc's cleared me to do whatever I feel comfortable doing" I try to pick up a not so heavy box (because I know my limits being a grown up and all) and she PUSHES me out of the way and tells me not to. It took every little bit of strength I have in my body not to push her right the fuck back. Come to think of it, I should have! Damned hind sight!

Catching up...who wants to have stupid babies anyway...

2008-09-21T23:10:00.000-04:00

I have/had a heart defect. I was born with a hole in my heart, very small, not a big deal so they told me most of my life. A VSD (ventricular septal defect-hole through septum between ventricles and placed near tricuspid valve). When I was 19 I got very sick, almost died from a blood infection that went to my heart, lungs, kidneys, etc...was called bacterial endocarditis. ICU for a week IV antibiotics for 6 weeks and good as "New". Some damage was done to the tricuspid valve which caused it to basically just not work. It's a little leaflet that's supposed to open and close so blood doesn't flow back into upper chamber of your heart, mine was flapping in the breeze and letting the blood flow. So the upper right chamber of my heart-the atrium-has become increasingly larger over the last 11 or so years, and has caused a lot of arrhythmia's, 2 of which landed me in the hospital with a shock procedure to get me back in to a 'normal for me' rhythm. Both of these were in the last year. After the second one the Doc's decided open heart surgery was the best bet. AACK! So after lots of therapy and time off from work to soak all this in I had surgery August 22. They closed the hole, fixed the valve, and tried to reroute some of the electrical work to cut down on arrhythmia's. Seems to have gone well so far. Doc's and nurses alike are pleased and surprised at my speedy recovery. I wish the emotional recovery were as easy. I complain a lot about pain I"m having now from an old shoulder injury that has gotten a lot worse since the surgery-and the pain is pretty ridiculous, but the strain on my marriage from the move to my MIL's house (which is happening this coming weekend) and having to recover from the surgery and now my shoulder and I'm just lost. I'm done.

And the answer is.....

2008-05-06T05:11:00.000-04:00

negative

I know I'm only one day late, but.....

2008-05-05T18:05:00.000-04:00

Why do all the early signs of pregnancy have to be the same as the early signs for getting your frakking period?! My tits are swollen and sore, I'm bloated, tired, emotional....I know I'm only ONE DAY late. I have a 21-25 day cycle, and yes today is day 26, so I'm trying to hold my pee for as long as I can before I pee on the stick. I know a lot of women have been through trying to get pregnant and waiting years, every month peeing on the stick and every month being miserable about getting their periods. So maybe after 1 and 1/2 years I should relax and stop my bitching..but that's not who I am. If one more person says all nice in that sing-song frakking voice "You have to stop trying and then it will happen, when you least expect it..teehee.." I'm going to freak the frak out on them. I know I"m crazy and I'm actually mostly a nice caring person (I think...) but I will kill one of these "stop trying" chics! Stress can hinder getting PG, but keeping track of your cycle and trying cannot, so frak you bitches and your teenage "I wasn't trying..." pregnancies!!!

On another note, for the first time ever I asked the Husband to go fishing cause I wanted to write here. It's the asking him to go fishing that's surprising! He doesn't know I'm writing this so I have to be sneaky and now I'm realizing it's nice for both of us to have a little while to unwind by ourselves. I miss livnig alone!! Am really looking forward to having a little crafty/computer nook for myself in the MIL's house. Think I'll get one of those screen/room divider thingy's. One of the nice things about the MIL and Granda (did I mention that the MIL 91 year old father in law lives there too?) is that they do most of there hanging out in the kichen drinking tea and coffee, they very rarely venture into the living room or dining room and the house is huge. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to hide easily.

I don't know what to post...

2008-05-01T15:36:00.000-04:00

I had an especially crappy week that turned out surprisingly well. Some evil bitch I work with yelled at me in front of residents and staff alike first thing in the a.m. Sunday. I had been talking shit about her, true. She's a sadistic bitch and deserves worse than shit-talk, also TRUE. So after the anxiety attack, crying in front of my boss and all, I worked on a different floor the rest of the day. Next morning, none of the staff on my floor will either look at or talk to me. Mind you these are the girls who shit-talked WITH me. Now they're either feeling more loyalty to the tormentor of feeble old ladies, or they feel some sense of humanity and dare I say guilt about being 2 faced bitches to look at me. Scarily I believe it is the former. SO...now I"m on a different floor with nicer bitches. They are happy to have me because I love my job and I love crazy little old ladies, and sometimes I'm good for a laugh.

Now I have a stomach bug and still can't stop myself from eating crappy food. There's something wrong with me for sure when it comes to food. I could be shitting green water and if someone put a chocolate bar in front of me, I'd eat it. I think the only reason I'm not 300 lbs. is shear force of will. I refuse to be that fat. I'm almost at my heaviest in my life right now...207. I was 215 when I started Tae-Bo ten years ago and lost 40 lbs. I should probably do something about it, but I'm missing the motivation I had in my twenties.....getting laid as often as possible by as many men/women as possible. Now it's just the Husband and he's heavy too so what the fuck do I care. Bah! I'm so lazy! I'm getting on the exercise bike right now!!!!!

Why can't he just be happy?

2008-04-25T16:42:00.000-04:00

The Husband...

Lots of people have crappy jobs they don't like, right? My job is actual crap. But when I get in my car to head home I'm instantly relieved, I'm going home to my man and my dogs. I'm good. Not the Husband...grumpess as my sister would say. I call him to find out when he's heading home and he's in the car on his way. I ask how he is and he says "all right", in a tone that makes me think someone just shot our dogs in front of him. I make the mistake every time..."what's wrong?" I ask, I"m concernced...did someone die? "Nothing" he says, "I'm just tired and my job sucks"...really? everyday he's this miserable about it, like a teenager who doesn't want to go to school. "GET OVER IT!!!" I scream in my head. I throw a little passive aggression in for good measure(or is it just guilt) "Gee I thought maybe you'd just be happy to hear from me, my day wasn't so hot either but it's over."....and how about if he's grumpy and doesn't want to talk to me, don't answer the fucking phone! Does he need a pill for this?

The food pushing Mother-in-law and the brother-in-law with no index finger...

2008-04-25T06:45:00.000-04:00

Decision made....we're moving in with my mother-in-law. My father-in-law passed away last year and we promised him we'd take care of her. The brother-in-law snaked into the house first so we thought we were off the hook. Turns out he's a lying, manipulative, not so smart finger missing bum. He's not giving her a penny to help out with household bills. So, pros and cons....pros-It's a big beautiful house with lots of land ( a house we never would be able to afford), MIL has someone to take care of her as she gets older, I can stay home when I have a baby, husband can go to nursing school and make more money for us all, BIL must move out before we start packing never to move in again, blahblahblah...cons-I'll be living with my MIL...not that she's a horrible person or anything, I just have no patience for people of any sort...dealing with the husband is tough enough, lol! It will be good for me and my selfishness I'm sure!

Everybody has a baby but me, including my husband!

2008-04-22T16:27:00.000-04:00

About a year ago my husband received a summons. About a month later he decided to show it to me. We were watching my favorite show, his first mistake was waiting a month to tell me about it, his second was pausing BSG to tell me. Oh no wait, his first mistake was banging that skank bag 4 and a half years ago...the summons was for a DNA test. 'HOLY MOTHER OF GOD WHAT DID YOU DO?' I asked of myself, marrying a man with a kid!!! Not in the plan man, not in the plan. When I was husband hunting on eHarmony and a plethora of other dating websites the first button I clicked was 'MUST NO HAVE KIDS'. Not that I have a problem with children at all, I have 9 nieces and nephews that I love more than anything, it was more the baby momma I was all set with, because there is inevitably a baby momma. Thankfully when he told me I was able to keep it together. After several minutes of not being able to breath or speak I said 'ooookay, and you waited a month to tell me because?? You're whole family and their friends new before your wife because......?' He's afraid I'm going to leave him...at this point we don't even know if it's his kid, it had been 4 and a half years, I'm surprised he remembered the momma's name! I don't think I remember all the guys I slept with 4 and half years ago! Anyway, what was he thinking, I'm going to leave because he might have a kid he knew nothing about when we met...after all my slutting around back in the day, I couldn't in good conscience leave him for that.....pausing BSG to tell me when he'd had a month to do so, grounds for divorce. Lucky for him I'm not that evil either.

So we spent the year going back and forth to court. Finally after a terrible year (His father passed away, I had a miscarriage and a heart related scary trip to the hospital) it gets worse or better, not sure yet. It's his kid, a girl of course- I'm thinking this means when we have our one kid it won't be the little girl I always dreamed about having. I of course spent these months 'gently reminding' him about paperwork that needed to be done for court and research he should be doing, and 'gently' watched him not do it. Lots of arguments about paperwork and lawyers and bullshit. I hated every second of it. I wanted to throw him of the roof, I wanted to hunt down the baby momma and give her a piece of my mind and my fists! I did drive byes on a regular basis, her address was on the court paperwork we got. She lives in a crappy little house. The lawn looks like it's never been mowed. A dirty rusty swing-set in the back of the house. Kitchen cabinets on the side yard, lots of crap. Is this a reason to call DSS, I don't know. I don't know how involved I want to get. So I don't. After helping with all the court bullshit, it's all over and I'm all done. It's all up to him now, does he want to see the kid, I don't know, he can tell me when he decides, if he ever decides.

We pay child support, an amount that, thanks to the baby momma, is half what it could have been per court order. The amount still has us in a pretty deep hole of debt, but we're not on the street..yet;-) It's been a year and half of trying and I'm still not pregnant (I'm not wicked patient). My 3 closest friends and one of my sisters have either had or are having babies. Everyone I work with, it seems, has had a baby in the past year....is it my turn yet?

I went to the Gyno and then I Blogged

2008-04-18T16:14:00.000-04:00

I just found out that my sister has had a blog for a year and never told anyone. She was recently outed by another sister ( I have 4) and now I feel like I was missing out on something, not just reading her blog, but writing my own. So here I am, not entirely sure what to 'blog' about. I've had it in my head since I was little-12ish-that I wanted to right an autobiography, you know cause my life is so crazy and interesting that the whole world would want to read about it, not self-indulgent at all. I used to write in a diary, but that got old, and I'm too lazy. Then as I got older I almost (well totally) purposefully did crazy things. I"m crazy-I'm OK with that...my mother is supremely crazy so I didn't have a huge chance at being normal. So now I want to write them down, the crazy things I've done. I mean what's the point of having risked your life a little if you can't brag about it! And if I can get my bitching and complaining out here, maybe I won't do as much of it in real life!

So, I went to the gyno today, I was overdue for a pap and wondering why I'm not getting pregnant. The most likely reason is that I have scar tissue in my fallopian tubes. The reason for the scar tissue-the fun part! When I was 25-about 6 years ago, I had a girlfriend, Evonne, I had recently dumped. She was coo coo for cocoa puffs. Bi-polar I think, which is fine (I guess I was attracted to her because she was crazy like Mom). I knew from day one it would not work out. Why did I date her anyway, cause I"m coo coo for cocoa puffs! It was fun, except when it wasn't. Anyway, after I ditched the bitch we remained friends. Evonne was into 'poly amorous' relationships (multiple partners, but like in a steady committed relationship a.k.a polygamy). So she had tracked down a sex club and for my 25 birthday gave me a free pass and a small group of us went together. The owner of the club had an instant thing for me which I thought was just the bees knees! So we had a little fling for a few months, He'd take me somewhere fancy for dinner and dancing, and I take it up the you know what. And tah dah! STD! A trip to the ER, a few painful days in bed and a shot of antibiotics in the ass and I"m all better. Flash forward 6 years and here I am making an appointment to get my tubes cleared out so I can have a baby with my husband who thinks I need this procedure cause I had a random infection, not an STD. I love my husband very much, and I am going to straight to Hell!

Poo

2008-04-18T15:49:00.000-04:00

I work four days a week wiping poo from people's asses. I go home and clean my puppy's poo from her puppy pads or from her paws and mouth as she likes to eat and play with poo. My husband takes forty-five minutes to poo-which has made me pee and almost poo my pants. Hopefully soon I will get pregnant and have a baby and clean up it's poo as well. I'm beginning to sense a pattern and it frightens me a little, it makes me wonder...am I going the wrong way, is this how my life was meant to turn out or is this what I have chosen for myself. Don't get me wrong I'm not unhappy, I just wonder is that what it all comes down to? Poo? Is it just me? I remember staying at my Grandma's house for the weekend when I was little and thought it was so strange that she would ask me every morning if I'd gone to the bathroom. Now I find myself asking my husband in the morning-'did you poo yesterday?'. I'm obsessed in making sure both dogs have pooped everyday. It's important isn't it? This is how I start my first blog...so I guess it's important to me. Did you poo today?