Friday, April 18, 2008

I went to the Gyno and then I Blogged

I just found out that my sister has had a blog for a year and never told anyone. She was recently outed by another sister ( I have 4) and now I feel like I was missing out on something, not just reading her blog, but writing my own. So here I am, not entirely sure what to 'blog' about. I've had it in my head since I was little-12ish-that I wanted to right an autobiography, you know cause my life is so crazy and interesting that the whole world would want to read about it, not self-indulgent at all. I used to write in a diary, but that got old, and I'm too lazy. Then as I got older I almost (well totally) purposefully did crazy things. I"m crazy-I'm OK with mother is supremely crazy so I didn't have a huge chance at being normal. So now I want to write them down, the crazy things I've done. I mean what's the point of having risked your life a little if you can't brag about it! And if I can get my bitching and complaining out here, maybe I won't do as much of it in real life!

So, I went to the gyno today, I was overdue for a pap and wondering why I'm not getting pregnant. The most likely reason is that I have scar tissue in my fallopian tubes. The reason for the scar tissue-the fun part! When I was 25-about 6 years ago, I had a girlfriend, Evonne, I had recently dumped. She was coo coo for cocoa puffs. Bi-polar I think, which is fine (I guess I was attracted to her because she was crazy like Mom). I knew from day one it would not work out. Why did I date her anyway, cause I"m coo coo for cocoa puffs! It was fun, except when it wasn't. Anyway, after I ditched the bitch we remained friends. Evonne was into 'poly amorous' relationships (multiple partners, but like in a steady committed relationship a.k.a polygamy). So she had tracked down a sex club and for my 25 birthday gave me a free pass and a small group of us went together. The owner of the club had an instant thing for me which I thought was just the bees knees! So we had a little fling for a few months, He'd take me somewhere fancy for dinner and dancing, and I take it up the you know what. And tah dah! STD! A trip to the ER, a few painful days in bed and a shot of antibiotics in the ass and I"m all better. Flash forward 6 years and here I am making an appointment to get my tubes cleared out so I can have a baby with my husband who thinks I need this procedure cause I had a random infection, not an STD. I love my husband very much, and I am going to straight to Hell!

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